you just gotta push through it...

.
so its that time of the year...you know the time where eveything is happening in the shortest possible amount of time, and all you can see is the above brick wall...i have no motivation, i see everything that i have to do (Figaro, physics, organic, recitals, federation competition, audition, the list goes on) and just do not know where to begin, and thus fail to do as much as i should....well that is changing as of yesterday, i got my second physics test back and have decided that i can not continue on the track that i have begun...if i want to be successful i have to change my course,work harder, study harder, and just get all my ducks in a row .

(cute huh)...so thats it, i have made up my mind...i better start studying, have a wonderful day...

scared, well maybe a little...

"NO INTERVIEW...WHAT?"

that is what is still going through my head...i went for my pharmacy school "applicant day" this past friday (a fun day of waking up at 445 and driving, then sitting, then driving some more)...so we got there and stood around in the lobby for a while, which was okay b/c i got to see some people i used to work with at the Bureau, then they hearded us up into the conference room to listen to people talk...i really enjoyed listening to these professors talk and was trying to imagine what it would be like to take a class from them, then we took this horrible critical thinking test (not fun), went to lunch, had a tour, got measured for our white coats (despite the fact that over half of us won't get in), and talked with Dr Wilson about or transcripts....that is it...NO INTERVIEW, you see i wanted an interview, i wanted to meet and talk with falcutly that i did not know and for them to get to know me...you see my grades are just average compared to all of the other applicants, yes i do have work experience but not much service or leadership in the past two years (nothing compared to the sorority girl i was sitting next too), my PCAT score is, eh, comparitively okay, and thats it, those are the only things that are considered...i wanted an interview, i wanted to explain why i am getting 3 pre-reqs this summer (with a session that ends 8 days before pharmacy school begins), i wanted to tell them how i grew up around pharmacy and how i am interested in it, want to help people understand more about what they are taking, and how i believe that God is calling me into the field, but NO, i get to do none of that...i am simply a number 1-9, hopefully closer to 9 than 1....here is how it works:

• GPA (possible total 4 pts)
• PCAT (possible 2 pts)
• leadership, service, work (2pts)
• critical thinking test (1pt)

that is it...those four little things determine the rest of my life...and with an applicant class of 350+ with about only 60 regular applicants getting in...yeah i am starting to worry, but as hard as it is i am trying not to worry, to remember that it is not in my hands, not even the professors hands really, it is ultimatly up to the big guy, so if you have the time and don't mind, throw out a little prayer for me, that my will and Gods will are the same, and if not, that i will be able to accept it, thanks yall....

love soon

I know you've been sworn

I read your complaint

you're needing someone older

and though I've been warned to live day by day

there's something taking over

did you expect to kiss me one time

while looking at me with the same eyes ever again?

so come on and face it

so come on and face it

it's time that we say it

you can cross the line whenever you want to

I'm calling it love soon

close your mind and waste some time if you have to

I'm calling it love soon

it's not about you now

it's what we are

your mother complains that you need a man

you haven't mentioned me yet

and all of your friends don't know who I am

I've been your best kept secret

I understand I wasn't part of the plan

a dollar short, a minute early

but I am your man

so come on and face it

so come on and face it

it's time that we say it

you can cross the line whenever you want to

I'm calling it love soon

close your mind and waste some time if you have to

I'm calling it love soon

it's not about you now

it's what we are

let's bypass the bullshit and move on because

the minute hand moves faster than you think it does

and by no fault of yours and by no fault of mine

the bottom line is laying in the bed that we've been playing in tonight

you can cross the line whenever you want to

I'm calling it love soon

close your mind and waste some time if you have to

I'm calling it love soon

it's not about you now

it's what we are

*john mayer*

"few things can be mastered without times of testing"

this was a quote that our preacher used today in his sermon and it really stuck with me...now i really believe that this quote is true in all aspects of my life

• my school life, probably the most obvious, you can't master a class unless you do well, and typically this is measured by your tests that happens over time, hence, time of testing
• my love life, i have been tested many times, whether this be temptation, trials in a specifc relationship, or even an entire relationship all togethher...i see each of these as a test in my ability to love myself and others
• my family, with all the curves that are thrown families these days, my family has also had it's share of "testing times," some times that i even wondered if we would pull through, we have had many tests
• my spiritual life, all of the above help contribute to my spiritual life, each of the above tests ultimately play a role into my faith, and where i feel that the direction of my life is going and more importantly being led...

but here is what i realize about all of these above tests...they all work together to help shape who i am...if my school wasn't difficult at times i don't think that i would work as hard, if my love life and family life had not had there times of tests and confusion i don't think i would appreciate all of my family and friends as i do, and most importantly if i hadn't had testing times in all of these combined aspects of my life i don't think that i would have the spiritual relationship that i have right now...each of these tests teaches me something...through each i have learned an important lesson about my life and who i am, each of these tests are wonderful gifts from God...so this lenten season i am going to try to not look at each difficulty i encounter as a test, but as a lesson that will teach me something that will ultimately shape the person i will be tomorrow...

some up there loves me...

okay, so this will make more sense if you read my previous post...but it, the stupid additional charge on my account, disappeared!!!poof, it's gone!...so i figure, oh they must have deducted it from my scholarship, so i went online to my bank (a wonderful invention) and the entire scholarship was deposited into my account, i have no idea where this evil fee went, but rest assure i will not go looking for it...thank you God for small miracles

financial aid can just kiss my...

GRITS, THEY CAN KISS MY GRITS....im trying to keep this blog PG....so i really really dont like the financial aid at uab...here's the story:
so i applied for a small scholarship from the hospital that my mother works at back home, and i got it...yeah, this is good...now the bad part...evidently this scholarship (that actually is meant to reimburse me for the tutition that i paid) put me over the estimated amount of money that uab has so graciously decided i need to live on, and therefore they took back part of my private personal loan (that allows me to pay my bills with out working full time), translation...now i owe the school because i got a new scholarship...another way of looking at it, i get a scholarship from a source outside of uab and uab decides that i do not need the entire scholarship so that take almost half of it...this is pretty much what has happened...and my biscuits are very, very burned right now....arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Some pharmacist I'm going to be...

so I've been studying nonstop for, well, for a long time, and tonight i had my organic test...i really thought it wasn't too bad, which worries me, when i get over confident i tend to do badly, so im trying to not get to happy about how i felt about the test...however, there was one question that i know i missed, and as a pre-pharmacy major i should not have missed it...the question was dealing with mass spec, it gave the M+ peaks for claritin and asked what the halogen ingredient was, i evidently missed that day in class and so i had no idea what the answer was, so i guessed...i guessed bromine, i have no idea why but it was my first instinct and your always told on tests to trust your first instinct...well my first instinct was wrong, i called my parents as soon as i got out of the test and they both told me it was chlorine...then i kicked myself, i should have been thinking like a manufacturer...CLaritn...ChLorine...duh, delia...the thing that bothers me is not that i missed a question on my organic test, but instead that i missed a question about a drug that i should know...i should have known that, i should be reading about drugs more...there is a new goal...

i am sorry

now, many of you may not understand this blog, but the people that it is meant for will...let me first say that i am sorry, i was out of line today when i spoke to the choir...i hope that you all can forgive me, and rest assured, i will not be saying much else, anymore......now, even though my actions were wrong, i don't feel that my intentions were in the slightest, ill explain...this choir,this semester, is the choir that i have dreamed of for over the past seven years of my life, i have dreamed of being where i am right now, that is, in an amazing choir with people who love music...this is also my last chance ever to be here, now many of you will go on for many more years singing with copeland or in other amazing choirs, or even teaching amazing choirs, but for me this is it, my life (where choir is concerned) ends here, now...this is probably why i care too much, yes too much...i think that i expect people to care as much as i do, and i know that some people just don't, whether it be because they are too busy (trust me i know how you feel) or because they have just not been affected throughout their life by music as i have(this is not a bad thing, everyone is defferent), regardless, i understand this, and i am sorry...i am sorry for hurting people and most importantly i am sorry if i in anyway, took away the joy of singing for any person, that to me is the worst thing that i could do...so rest assured, it will not happen again, i am deeply, truly sorry...