Sunday, May 29
the theme of my life...
okay, so i feel like there is a common theme occurring in my life...like in every aspect, in everything that i try to do this theme comes back to bite me in the.., well you know...so what is it, ill try to explain in without a diagram, it might be hard...imagine this, there is this scale (not to weigh, but to measure) and it goes from 0 - 10, everyone sets there own expectations for themselves and the world has expectations for everyone, so let's say that the world expectation for everyone in a 6, and in my case, my expectations for myself is a 10, i truly feel deep in my being that i am able obtain a 10, but here is the catch...while i am always striving for success in everything i can never get past a 9, it doesn't matter how hard i work, or how bad i want it i can not break my 9 point ceiling...this happens all the time, here are just a few examples: my music (personally, solo i mean), my grades (okay but not great), and now in general, the plans for my life, translation, pharmacy school (i found our this weekend that i am on the waiting list for ole miss)...so here it is, in everything i feel like the world is shouting to me in a slightly mocking way, "ha,ha...you thought you had it, you did the very best you could but ya know what, your best is just a little short of great...enjoy being average, delia charest"....and you know what, it just sucks....
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4 comments:
You are the most UN-average person I know of so I couldn't pass the opportunity to give you a mommy-type lecture. If you dwell on the things you haven't accomplished you will certainly think life "sucks". The key to being happy and content with your life at any given moment is to concentrate on the good things you have accomplished, the things in life that God has blessed you with, not your "failures", whether they are real or percieved. You know I always say it is a mother's hope that her children will learn from her mistakes, so here it is....Dwell more on the good things (four beautiful, smart, healthy daughters, a good job, good, supportive friends, my own health) and less on the bad (lack of a significant other with whom to share the journey).
No matter what, you will be OK....
Love, Mom
What she said.
last of x, thank you for your response, but it makes me feel as if i need to clarify myself and my words...when i say above average, i am not comparing myself to everyone, i am comparing myself with myself...i know what i am capable of and i expect it out of myself, this is not vanity, it is simply striving for your very best...i don't sit around saying "they have better grades than me" or "i wish i was more like 'them'"...i say "i know that i know can do better" i do not feel that my striving for MY persnal best is in any way a means of "elevating myself" over others...
You have to remember your own history before falling down and thinking yourself having failed in some way. Perhaps a night in 2002 when you were not put into UAB Chamber Choir would refresh your memory. I certainly will never forget that weekend...then less than two months later you came in and now have your own dedication page on the uab choir blog...I'm in the same boat right now waiting for the "right" job to present itself which could be tomorrow, next week, or (Please I hope not) August...just remember that you thought you sucked cause you didnt get into choir or any roles in opera...and look at your senior year...here endeth the history lesson...apologies for the musicocentric tour, but its all I could think of on the spot
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