so i visited with copeland today, which in itself is always an experience, and guess what we talked about...well, all of you that have been keeping up with the choir blog probably have a really good guess, now dont get me wrong, that is not all we talked about, i also updated him on my plans for the next year, and we discussed some of the upcoming plans of the choir (sniff sniff)...but the whole marriage conversation really stuck with me...the thing, i mean, that stuck with me is how i participated in this conversation, you see if you had heard my conversations on the subject three years ago it would be a totally different subject, and well, it kinda suprised me when i really stepped back and listened to myself today...anyway this all has prompted me to shed a little light on the "other perspective"...see all i have been hearing on this matter is people's opinions, and generally these opinions are nothing but that...most of the people talking about this subject in our social rehlm have a completly different view than the people who have been there...granted there are many people, and many of my firends from highschool that are happily married, the continuation of this post is not at all to say that young marriages dont work (b/c in many cases they do), the following is a look into the mind, heart, and soul of someone who has lived the argument that we have all been having, but this argument is internal:

"well, you just don't understand...we are in love and that is just not going to change. i mean what do you know. i have grown up so much in my first year of college, i think that i know better than anyone else, what i want in my life and how i want it to happen. we are so great together, i just can't imagine my life without him, and i just know that it is not going to change. i know that it wil be hard...im not stupid, but by this is going to work. i...we are going to make it work, i just know that this is God's will......."

"hm,that was strange, its never bothered me before, oh well.im better

now..."

"okay, this is not exactly what i had planned. im supposed to be in this place, things should be certain, i dont really know what...no, its okay, we can work though it, its not a big deal, it just me being stupid...we will make this work, after all its just a minor detail..."

"have i always felt this way about this subject...i cant remember, well yeah, its what i was taught, but i dont know if i feel the same way about it now...its seems so different"

"okay, take a breath, what have i done, i dont know if this is right, i mean, i shouldnt feel like this, right? it should be the other way, not this way, is this right, am i righ . . .stop it, stop it, your just not trying hard enough...dont cry, now then go back, your just being silly...you have to make this work"

"im in too deep, there is no turning back...it doesnt matter what i feel like sometimes, its all in my head...ok, ok, ok...im just nervous, other times its great...plus, well, its too late, suck it up...youve made my bed and you have to lie in it...the end"

"there is no one would understand, no one...it would ruin everything, my entire life if i, and his, and i cant, i am right, all those people who said it wouldnt work, they arent right, i am...you know, i just cant, i have to go through with it..."

"i cant....."

"okay, here goes........"

almost two years later...and well, i am still alive, and you know what i am more alive than ever...my experience helped shape me into who i am today, so i cant have any regrets, and you know what....i dont